Think about it... but not too much

This week I would like to reflect upon a conversation I had Sunday evening. I had just left church and was facing the daunting task of surviving Highway 280 traffic when a conversation arose with a friend on each other’s current struggles. Work, relationships, guilt, being judged by (and judging) others, being hurt and so much more were brought up in this intense 30-minute conversation. Yet, the one thing that stuck in my mind was said when we started talking about how we were worried about whether or not certain things were going to work out in our lives. Though I had no solution to this problem, this person told me that we just shouldn’t think about it too much. She validated this reasoning by saying that the more we think about it, the more we get our hopes up and the more we get our hopes up, the more susceptible we are to being hurt.

I quickly proceeded to be the great friend that I am (enter sarcasm), and bluntly tell her that she doesn’t even follow her own advice. However, as I continued to think about what she had said, I began to think that even though the advice might be misguided, it could be a great way to live. I didn’t have the illusion that living my life this way would prevent me from being hurt, as I realize this is an inevitable part of life.

Instead, I thought back to a saying that a friend’s mother used to say, “You plan, God Laughs.” While this is great advice (and just a great saying in general), allowing someone else to design your life plan is difficult. I had a hard enough time trusting my college advisor to get me out of Birmingham-Southern with all of the credits needed to graduate. How do I trust someone that I cannot physically touch to plan my life?

I know that I have, like most others, made plans for my life – to have a successful career, raise a healthy family, to have children, to live in Birmingham, etc. I do not think that there is anything wrong with wanting what I think is best for me. However, what I have come to realize is that we do not always know what is best for ourselves. Our destiny, our purpose in life, and what is best for us were planned before we could think for ourselves – even before our earliest ancestors could think for themselves. Yet we continue to plan.

Is this a bad thing? Are we defying God and fighting his pre-designed plan? I do not think so. It is human nature to think about the possibilities – to have dreams – to have desires. He has wired us the way he did for a reason. Fortunately, yes fortunately, most dreams and desires do not come to fruition. Imagine how unsatisfying it would be to succeed when you never fail or to get something when you already have everything. There would be no satisfaction. You would never experience the jubilation and excitement that runs through your body when you are happy because you wouldn’t know what it is like to hurt.

I want to make it clear that I am not saying that we should stop dreaming or quit striving for our goals. I believe we should do these things, but next time something doesn’t work out, maybe we should see it as a blessing. A blessing that we do not have to carry the burden of always knowing what is best for us, a blessing that we know what rejection feels like, a blessing that there is someone that has already made our plans and a blessing that – even if we fail - we can always rebound to take another step in some direction.

Plato, John Locke, Shaq, Posh Spice... WTF?

This week, once again, has brought forth new events and challenges that have provoked more thought and questioning than Plato and John Locke did in my freshman philosophy class.

While the week started off in normal fashion, my general attitude and outlook on current situations would quickly change as “hump day” (a.k.a. Wednesday) approached.

As I finished packing the last of my things on Wednesday, an unwanted feeling of fear, doubt, and uncertainty began to follow me like a shadow on a sunny afternoon. My furniture was gone, the walls were blank and the floors were clean. This stage of my life was quickly coming to a close and if you looked at my room, you could almost say that it never occurred. A weird sensation settled in as I looked out of the window of my empty bedroom. I could not see the house across the street. Instead, I saw a reflection, a very unbecoming reflection.

I saw a young man that was spending time worrying about the things he could not control. There was a person that doubted every decision he had made in the past six months and a person that had lost something he took great pride in: his confidence. As the day went on the reflection got worse and I was ashamed that I had such a negative outlook on life. However, it turned out that all I needed was a 30-minute phone call from a truly close and genuine friend.

What a blessing it is to have a person in your life that you can, without hesitation, trust enough to share each others problems and qualms with. To have someone to pick you up when you are down, and honestly believe every word he or she says. You know who you are, and thank you so very much.

Following this conversation, everything changed. I was rejuvenated and ready to attack the always-dreaded MOVING DAY... duh duh dum.

Thursday came and went, and before I knew it my alarm was going off at 7:00 am on Friday telling me that it was time to get up and start my day of moving. A day that would not have been possible with out the help of a teammate and great friend, Shaq Hovan. Though many said they could or would help, things came up here and there and he was the only one that was able to follow through in the end.

So our long day began, and though it was long and hot, it was manageable. We arrived in Tuscaloosa at 5 and were finished unloading at 7:45, just in time to drop the truck off before the UHaul dealer closed for the evening. Following the move, my father treated us to a much needed dinner at Buffalo Phil's (thanks dad), and then we headed back to Birmingham. The drive home consisted of some ridiculous, yet great conversation between two worn out friends.

I am happy to say that I have been blessed by God to have friends like Shaq and the "wife." They make life easier, more enjoyable and more fulfilling. It is my hope that everyone has the opportunity to experience relationships like these because no matter how much self-confidence you have, there will be a time in which you need someone to be there to pick you up, or help you pick up a 200 pound desk from Staples.

Thanks for reading about my most recent Step In Some Direction.

Funny The Way It Is

Funny the way it is that change has the ability to make people reflect upon the past, look at the current, and worry about the future.

This exact thought has been racing through my mind for the past week as I have began preparing for my next endeavor - receiving my Masters of Tax Accounting from the University of Alabama. While I am extremely excited to continue my education, as the first sentence might show, there are many worries and uncertainties in my life.

As I reflect on the past and think about my time on the Hilltop, I subconsciously block out the bad times and only allow myself to remember the good. Flashbacks to soccer games, where my nerves were on edge going into overtime, remind me that I fulfilled a dream that only few can live out. Then I begin to think about the family-like relationships that were developed with my coaches and teammates through two-a-days, wins, losses, tragedy and adversity. These friendships promptly lead me to think about the other relationships that I was able to establish through classes, study abroad, and numerous other ways.

Gradually, I move on from reflecting about the past to thinking about the present. I think about how happy I am. I am currently exercising all of the time and slowly but surly becoming and "triathlete." My best friends from soccer, accounting and BSC still surround me, and I have also been able to develop a few very special and wholesome relationships in the past month. Additionally, I have started to rediscover my faith. Though it was not lost, I did not do the necessary things to keep the flame burning as strong as it should have been while in college.

All of these things reaffirm how happy I am, how much I am at peace, but they also make me worry about the future. Why leave when something that seems so perfect (well minus the fact that I cannot find a job). I worry that it will be difficult to maintain the relationships that I have established over the past six years. I worry that I will be miserable in Tuscaloosa, not because it won't be fun, but because my heart is in Birmingham. I worry, and think, only about the negatives.

However, as I worry, I catch myself and I think about advice that I have previously received. I think about, while studying for the LSAT, my family telling me that "All worrying will do is give you pimples." Which, although my precious face doesn't get pimples (just kidding), is so true. Then I think about everything that I have accomplished in my life. I am potty trained, I graduated with honors from high school and college, I was a D1 athlete and I returned to soccer from a blown out knee. Just to name some of the things that I am truly proud of.

I realize that I just have to let go, trust my faith, my family and my friends, and take the bumps that come along the way. It will be hard, but I know that I will be able to maintain and even continue to develop my current relationships while adding a few more. After all, this is what this blog is about. I'm doing the right things, I'm going the right places. And although I don't know the end result, I am taking A Step In Some Direction.

*** "Funny The Way It Is" is a Dave Matthews Song from his most recent album Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King. This song was playing while I was packing up my belongings last week and I have been thinking about these words ever since. I hope yall enjoyed the post!